Parenting Styles
Excerpt from UNICEF East Asia and Pacific article “Positive parenting vs. Strict parenting: What parenting style works best for children — and how to change yours”
"What is positive parenting?
“Positive parenting” (sometimes called “gentle parenting”) uses connection and guidance to teach children, instead of punishment and fear.
It’s about setting clear rules while also showing respect, kindness, and understanding.
Children learn best when they know why rules matter. Instead of just saying “Don’t do that” or punishing without explaining, it helps to talk about how actions have consequences.
Family rules give kids a sense of safety and help them grow confidence and skills.
Positive parenting means you:
Show affection, spend time together, and accept your child as they are.
Listen, take feelings seriously, and help your child express emotions safely.
Set clear limits and discipline calmly, without shouting, hurting, or scaring.
Treat all children equally, with the same care and expectations.
Show patience, respect, and the behavior you want your child to learn in your own behavior.
Positive parenting also involves shared parenting — where mothers, fathers, and other caregivers are equally responsible for children’s education. This helps children learn the value of equality by seeing it practiced in their everyday lives.
What is strict parenting?
“Strict parenting” is when parents set very high expectations for their children, have firm rules, and may use strong discipline. There’s usually little room for the child to express feelings, ask questions, make their own choices, or explore their interests.
Children are expected to follow rules without arguing, behave perfectly, and always show respect. Parents may believe that being tough helps children succeed and keeps them from making mistakes.
In some families, strict parenting may also include yelling or physical punishment, like hitting, often because parents were raised that way themselves.
Strict parenting usually comes from love and a desire to protect and guide, but it can make children feel anxious, fearful, or less confident.
It can also reinforce harmful gender roles. For example, expecting boys to “be tough” and hide their emotions, or expecting girls to be quiet, obedient, and helpful. These patterns limit children’s development and self-expression based on outdated ideas about gender.
These emotional impacts can last into adulthood, affecting how children see themselves, relate to others, and handle challenges.
What is tiger parenting?
Tiger parenting is a type of strict parenting that pushes children to excel academically, in sports, and in extra-curricular activities at all costs. Parents may watch closely and push their children to always do their best.
Tiger parenting is a parenting style especially common in some East Asian cultures (although it happens elsewhere too).
Some features of tiger parenting include:
Very high expectations for school and extra activities like music or sports.
Less focus on playtime or talking about feelings.
Little room for mistakes or failure.
A strong belief in discipline, hard work, and not giving up.
Tiger parenting can also reinforce gender expectations. For example, pushing boys to be competitive and girls to be quiet and obedient. This can make children feel like they have to act a certain way instead of being themselves.
All tiger parents are strict, but not all strict parents are tiger parents.
How can I start positive parenting?
Positive parenting starts with building a loving, respectful connection with your child.
Here are some easy ways to begin:
Show affection often. Let your child feel loved through your words, hugs, and time together.
Spend one-on-one time together. Start with 20 minutes a day of focused time playing, talking, or having fun while doing chores together (like singing a silly song). Turn your TV and phone off and focus just on your child.
Praise the good. Notice and praise your child’s positive actions, even small ones. Children thrive on praise. It helps them feel loved and motivates good behavior.
Set clear expectations. Instead of saying “Be good,” try saying, “Please put your toys in the box.” Make rules simple and realistic for their age and capabilities.
Challenge Gender Stereotypes. Encourage all children to explore a variety of toys, activities, and roles — regardless of gender. Support boys in being caring and girls in being confident leaders.
Model the behavior you want to see. Children learn by watching you — when you stay calm and kind, they’re more likely to do the same.
Redirect with care. If your child is acting out, gently distract them with a different activity before things escalate.
Use non-violent consequences. Explain what will happen if a rule is broken and follow through without anger. Praise them if they make the right choice.
Give them a chance to do the right thing. Before acting on a consequence, clearly explain what needs to change. For example, “Please stop drawing on the wall, or playtime will end.” This gives them a moment to adjust and succeed.
Support emotional expression. Create a safe space for all children to express their feelings. Let boys know it’s okay to cry and girls that their opinions matter. Avoid phrases like “boys don’t cry” or “act like a lady.”
Involve them in the rules. Let your child help create simple family rules and consequences. This gives them a sense of responsibility and respect.
Meet them at their level, physically and emotionally. For younger children, sit or kneel to make eye contact when talking. This shows respect, helps them feel heard, and builds connection. For older children and teenagers, don't treat them like small children; empower them to take on new responsibilities, to help build their skills.
